at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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