Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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