Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
