drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
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