Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
