we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
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