A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
