I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
