you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
