I should be sponsored by Trojan
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
