Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
