There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
