hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
