Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
