Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
