Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Randomize
