ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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