I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Randomize
