Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
