my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
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