What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
Thank you for listening to my rant about tacos.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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