i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
