she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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