apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
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