i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize