Where are you?
In a non slutty way
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize