drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
