"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
