Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
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