On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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