i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Randomize
