Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
my paper on vitamins just turned into a 2 hour tangent google search on what i should buy to best cure a hangover. I need to stop getting high before homework
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
