I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
