Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I'll have sex with you for tacos. I don't care, man.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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