I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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