I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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