you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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