So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
Randomize
