She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
is that a dick in a sweater?
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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