Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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