He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Come share oat with me in your robe
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize