Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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