you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Randomize
