My hair reeks of homosexuality.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
