I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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