I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I'd give anything to be driving a pirate ship wearing nothing but a coconut bra and a grass skirt eating a pizza and watching dolphins jump in the waves. Dreams ya gotta have dreams
The cops high fived after they tackled you
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
