those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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