Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
No, you dont understand, he literately fucked me into a new hairstyle, quite nice too.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
