he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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