everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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