Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
