I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
Randomize
