Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
