dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
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