I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
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