tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Well I've decided to refuse to conform to society and be naked the rest of the day.
Randomize
