he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
NO I WILL NOT SET YOU UP WITH MY TWIN WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?!? JUST BECAUSE I WONT BLOW YOU DOESNT MEAN YOU CAN STALK HER AS A BACKUP PLAN YOU SPANISH BASTARD
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
Randomize
