if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
