I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Randomize
