I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
