I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
I've smoked enough weed to put down a pony.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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