How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
