I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
