My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
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