did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Randomize
