I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
