all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Please don't give away my fajitas
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize