then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
