He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Randomize
