What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
