you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Bring me that man meat
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Randomize
