i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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