dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Turned the water balloon filler into a jungle juice fire extinguisher. Please call me tomorrow afternoon and make sure that i'm still alive.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Randomize
