3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
We have a hundred jello shots. Lines will be crossed.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Randomize
