i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
