shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
