I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Randomize
