I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Randomize
