Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Randomize
