It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize