eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
We played wedding bingo. I made out with the maid of honor and fucked one of the bride’s sorority sisters. But I needed to get with the groom’s cousin, a mother-in-law to be, or the wedding planner to win and I came up short.
Randomize
