Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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