yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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