go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
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