i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
