I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
