I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
so you masturbated because Oprah told you?
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Randomize
