There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I wish you could order shots online.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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