I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
wow bdsm is so cute
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
