I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
