I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
Randomize
