You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
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