He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
Semen is not good for contacts.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Randomize