I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
I would fuck him just for his dog
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