We're hooking up, I have a toothbrush at her place, and yet on leaving her apartment a minute ago we said goodbye with a hi five. WTF?
You're upset about this?
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Randomize
