yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
