Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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