The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I wasn't trying to make you feel bad, I just agreed with you that your life does suck.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
