you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
