I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
