Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize