Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Don't even start with me. You know damn well if you walked into a bathroom with two girls naked in the shower you would stay too. Regardless how drunk I was or whether or not you were my ride.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
