so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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