it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
