life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I am midnight drunk by noon
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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