there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
foreskin is a definite game changer
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
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