I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
