Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Randomize
