**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
